Transitioning Through Different Stages of Motherhood

My son is graduating in a little over a month. And I have to tell you, I feel like this whole situation is fucking me up. Can I say that here? Oh right, of course I can, it’s my blog, I can say what I want. 

Here is what’s going on. My son is my middle child, his older sister is 11 years older than him. So this isn’t the first time I have gone down this road to graduation. But for some reason, this time it is hitting me harder. And I can’t even begin to imagine how I will feel next year when MY BABY (my youngest) also graduates from high school. 

Let’s travel back to the 90’s. Growing up, I was the oldest of 6 siblings. And let's just say my parents weren’t always reliable. Which led to me having to take care of my siblings, more often than not. 

In 1997, at 16 years old, I got pregnant. I turned 17 on March 6th 1998, and had my daughter 10 days later.

Fast forward to 2007, and my son was born. (it took 2 years for us to get pregnant, with the doctors finally telling us it probably wouldn’t happen, so when we did, we looked at this pregnancy as our little miracle). And when you think that, you don’t tend to use protection, why would you, what are the chances of another miracle happening? Right?

Well 15 months later in 2009 I gave birth to my 3rd child. 

I love being a mother. My kids really are my whole world. 

But now… now the future is looking very different. And while I am emotional about my kids growing up, it’s more than that. 

For the last 28 years plus, I’ve been consumed with taking care of my kids. Making sure their needs are met and their appointments are scheduled, driving them to and from school and all the things that come with motherhood that you get lost in. 

My life thus far, really has really been dedicated to taking care of others. But now I am feeling this shift happening in my life, and very very soon, my life will no longer look like it has in the past. 

I have made many changes in my life, and transitioned through lots of ups and downs. But this, this feels like the biggest so far. What will my life look like 5 years from now? No kids at home to take care of, make dinner for, drive back and forth to practice or attend games each week. 

Transitioning into an empty nest feels scary. Because it’s new, uncharted territory that I have not traversed before. 

When you are a mother who has dedicated your whole life to taking care of others, it feels a little scary to think of what you will do when they are gone. But I have been slowly trying to build this new life piece by piece, with my herbal practice, my garden, my love for the outdoors, and my new tea line dropping soon. 

These little treads I have been weaving together over the last 6 years, will lend to me having more time to give in these areas, where it was limited before by chores and children and time constraints. And even though I am saddened by how fast time flies, I am excited to keep finding what I enjoy and how I want to spend my time. 

If you are a mother in this same phase of life, I see you. And I hope in the years to come, you find what brings you joy, outside of motherhood.

With love,

Danielle